Ever heard a horror story where a bride-to-be asks one of her “besties” to be bridesmaids, only to have a huge falling out before the wedding?
You can’t exactly “un-ask” someone to be a ‘maid — which is why it’s so important to really consider who you want by your side on your wedding day before you ask them. If you’re still unsure about one of your pals, ask yourself these questions.
1. Why do I want this person in my bridal party?
Okay, maybe it seems like an obvious, simple question, but if you force yourself to answer, it may help you make the big decision. Maybe you’ll realise that the only reason you’ve considered this friend is because you were in her wedding or because you’ve known each other since primary school. Unless you really, truly want to spend half your wedding day with this person, don’t feel obligated to invite them to the party.
2. Would we let a small fight ruin our friendship?
Friends (and family, especially) fight, and there’s bound to be a little tension when it comes to wedding planning. Would she give you the silent treatment after a spat over bridesmaid dress colours? Do you find yourself angry at her every time she bails on your plans? If you can’t maintain a friendship over small disagreements, just invite this friend as a guest — not a bridesmaid.
3. Will I still talk to her in 20 years?
You’ll have memories and photos of your wedding for the rest of your life. Do you want this person in the pictures you’ll have forever? If you suspect your friendship will fizzle out, you might regret having her in all your memories. Then again, your wedding represent just a small time in your life — if she’s important to you now, then there’s no reason not to ask her! It’s hard to predict the future, of course, but trust your gut here.
4. Will she get along with the rest of the group?
Between your bachelorette party, bridal shower, wedding planning sessions and the big day, all your bridesmaids will end up spending lots of time together. Make sure they get along! They don’t have to be BFFs, but they should be friendly and civil.
5. How does my fiancé feel?
While they may be your bridesmaids, the wedding party as a whole is shared by you and your spouse-to-be. If your fiancé and old uni roommate can’t be in the same room together, it’s better to compromise and only invite her as a guest.
6. Will asking this person help keep the peace?
You might not be best friends with your cousin, but you know your aunt would freak out if you didn’t include her. If it will save some drama without causing you more stress, the simple addition could be a huge lifesaver in the long run.
7. What do I expect from this bridesmaid?
Some brides like to give each attendant very specific responsibilities, but others are more laid back and just want to enjoy their bridesmaids’ company. Which side of the spectrum do you fall on? Will this friend be willing to contribute to the planning?
We’d like to make choosing your bridesmaids a completely pain-free process, but there are often other factors that these questions don’t completely cover. When in doubt, trust your gut!